? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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