He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
