I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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