Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
