omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
