Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
