Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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