I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
