I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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