So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
