He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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