It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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