u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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