Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
