People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
