dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
