I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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