whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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