I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
