Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you traded sex for a burrito?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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