Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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