I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
