My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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