you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
