Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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