i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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