I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
