i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
