I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
