Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
