just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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