Soap is not a condiment
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
