Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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