Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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