A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
