i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
