Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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