it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
