You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
