Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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