Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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