I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize