i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is my gift to your gina
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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