alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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