I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
