I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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