Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
