It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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