So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
