Jerry, you need to find god
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
