3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
