the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
