After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
