I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
