i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
