Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
