Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
