I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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