I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
