Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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