you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize