All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
