Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
