Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize