I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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